WHEN STAYING TOGETHER FOR THE KIDS IS HURTING MORE THAN HELPING

As a child growing up in the 80’s The Cosby Show was a must to watch on TV. The Cosby’s were the consummate family. The financially established husband, the beautiful wife , adorable children and the house with the white picket fence. It appeared that Cliff and Claire rarely argued, and when they did it was always resolved with some sort of humorous punchline. ,They’d kiss, make up and we’d wait until the next week to see how perfect they would be on the next show. Unfortunately, in real life, families don’t always just laugh after a huge disagreement and hug and make up. Oftentimes, arguments and disagreements cause harboring of resentment in families. Especially between a husband and wife. Marriage can be hard. And while adults are able to work through there anger and emotions after traumatic events. Children aren’t yet equipped with the same understanding and maturity to do so. We all long for that Cliff and Clair Huxtable family.. However we don’t all get it.  For some children the Cosby’s were a great way to escape there own pain and heartache from the experiences that they were suffering within there own homes. The angry dad that comes home and berates and belittles his wife in front of his children. And for others, the abusive alcoholic father that drinks himself into a stupor before unleashing his hate on his family through physical, mental and verbal abuse.

Lots of women that are in or have been in abusive relationships with a spouse become codependents to their abusers. A wife may stay with a husband for many reasons including financial stability, fear of living without her mate or she may simply feel that he is the best that she can do. While the abuse continues the children become the true victims in this union. They are the voiceless, innocent parties that rarely ever get to speak up and express how they feel and how they are being affected. Between the ages of 2 and 12 children are at there most vulnerable and  impressionable stages. During this time a child begins to form opinions and habits based on there environment. It is statistically proven that children that come from abusive homes are more likely to become abusers themselves and or have issues obtaining and sustaining meaningful romantic relationships. Causing the cycle of abuse and instability in families to continue.  While I do sympathize with the abused spouse and his or her reasons for staying in the relationship. In no way should a child be left in a situation where they are emotionally, mentally or physically abused even if the abuser is a parent, relative or a friend. The good ole days of the 80’s has long passed and we are now in the year 2016 where according to www.domesticabuseshelter.org , 4000 women die each year to domestic violence. Proving that anger can definitely be deadly if not resolved properly.

People that know me well know that domestic violence is a subject that has hit very close to home for me, as in 2003 one of my best friends was killed by her live in boyfriend. I have long advocated for women and children in abusive homes and will continue to do so in hopes that more women speak up and seek refuge in telling there story to bring awareness and a testimony to other abused women.

If you or someone you may know are currently in a domestically abusive relationship there are people and places that care and will support you in your journey to stability. Women must understand that love does not hurt and that there is life after abuse. Below I have attached links to facilities that you may reach out to for help: